Do I "Still Got IT"?
Updated: May 9, 2019
Ayesha Curry was recently on Jada Pinkett Smith's Red Table Talk discussing life as an NBA wife in an intimate setting with her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law. During the discussion around how they handle women throwing themselves at their men, Ayesha admits she feels insecure because she doesn't think any men are looking at her. In short, she said she doesn't need the attention, but it would be nice. Now this is a very different topic than my usual posts, but I think it's a discussion that a lot of women and mommies have with themselves. Especially after having a child, wondering if you "still got it". Let me preface this by saying I believe there are levels and layers and I would be interested to hear more of how she truly feels. Personally, that excitement of "I still got it" should mainly come when you look at a mirror or pass by a reflective window. Also, if you have a life partner that sentiment gives that extra boost, when you dont have it. However, in the era of social media, one-day postnatal bounceback, and the I work out now, but had BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift) queens, it is easy to get carried away and wonder if you're enough outside of being "mommy". When it comes to Ayesha I think this could be even further magnified for her, since these women are not just someone she may see online, but real life people that may literally throw themselves at her husband. What I really wanted to speak on is as a mother, having children affects you physically, mentally, emotionally etc. Your body completely changes, you are a walking miracle where a human is growing inside of you and during that period your focus is the baby. There maybe times when your libido is at an all time high, but your partner may not want to engage into "the act", because of the baby. That can take a shot at your ego. After the baby comes, even if your body "snaps back" it FEELS different, and the main focus is adjusting as "mommy" or mommy of more. I think some people can feel lost at that point and want to fight to create an identity outside of the mom, nurturer, provider, meal planner, diaper change, etc and it can lead to different outcomes. If I want to be honest with you all I think everyone has that question in their head at some point to some degree, but what really stood out to me is how we validate it. For some reason our society is constructed in a way where a number (not all, times are changing 😉) women "valued" themselves based on a man wanting them. Too often I've heard some women say, "at least I've got a man", "he wants me", "I can ... good enough to be someone's wife", or even "why doesn't she have a husband yet", where that is not the source of our value and worth.
Jumping back to Ayesha, it's such a layered discussion, because a lot of folks are up in arms about the fact that she has a loyal, loving husband, who hasn't been in any scandal with other women and she should value his love and adoration for her. I say yes that's partially true but the bigger thing is being able to do that for yourself; to love and appreciate yourself. Know who you are and what you bring to a table, single or not. Especially as a mother understanding your beauty, value and strength that far exceeds any words a man, woman or anyone else can tell you.
I'd love to know your thoughts.